I am frustrated.
I work p/t from home, 20 hrs a week but also it is not 100% from home; I have to go in to work at least 1x week for 4 hours plus the hour drive each way.
Husband works from home but if he is on a call which is much more often than not, and I am away at work, who watches the baby? Well no one. He is in the room right next to my husband's office so he is being heard, but if he cries and hubby's on a call and I'm an hour away...so be it. He will just cry from hunger, potty, loneliness, for 1 min to 3 hrs...however long hubby is on the phone/I am gone.
And there aren't any babysitters/day care/family within at least 45 min to watch him.
This week I will be gone at least 4 hrs and hubby has a 2 hr call then.
Next week I will be gone at least 2 days, likely 3, for 8 hours.
and somehow next week I will need 2 half-hr sessions during those 8 hrs to pump breastmilk or else the supply dwindles, boobs become painfully engorged and risk infection and stuff, and yeah..... ok so take your hr lunch break you might say. But I 'm giving a state exam and I cannot leave the exam room for 8 hrs except....a 25 min lunch break. No one else is "legallly able" to supervise the testing because the one time the entire year the legally-able class was offered, none of my staff showed up. So I am f$%^ed.
I will have painful boobs, and no milk and will have my little man on 100% formula for 3 days and hope my stupid boobs don't permanently dry up.
and so is my little guy is f$%^ed too because he will be stuck for an hour or so, at least once, screaming his poor head off with a wet diaper and famished tummy.
oh and when I am home, I only get about an hour of work in because hubby is on calls, he works at the least 8 hrs a day, can be 16, no joke. So I have my 4 hrs of work, house chores, have to feed and bathe myself plus baby, and have to pump my breasts 4x a day. This is time consuming and so it seems boobs get pumped 3x a day. (curently doing so which is why i have "time" to blog) and i eat cold food...no inhale cold food and bathe at odd hours and do 1 hr work.
see i also can't do 5 min work here, 10 there to add up to 4 hrs s it is brain-intensive stuff. I have to analyze data, do statistics, data management, create training documents, call the state about weekly (being put on hold when there is no time to be on hold as baby will wake up screaming any time soon) and so you have to devote time and get your mind in gear to do this stuff.
and then while too busy to imagine, I have bouts of boredom where I can't do anything I need to do i.e. I have a baby in my arms who if I put down will have a tantrum and he needs mommy time and I like mommy time but sitting in conplete silence for a half hour or so is boring. so i turn to the tv because it doesn't require concentration or hands, since i am holding a baby but i do not like tv it is not entertaining so i hate being stuck infront of the tube.
sigh.
